Do you ever feel like you’re writing for cathartic release, but can’t find the release valve?

Our brain protects us from pain by shutting down.  Writing is complete, but sometimes talking is required to get to writing.  

Maybe it feels like the record of your mind has a skip in it.  You can’t get to the rest of the song, and feel frustrated by not getting to completion.

Writing is a complete form of processing and you can release pressure through words.

However, our brain protects us from pain by shutting down.

You may notice yourself getting distant from your words.  Avoiding your writing.  Staring at your notebook until it blurs.  Detaching from the purpose behind it all.

This is because we have built-in non-conscious safety mechanisms.

These mechanisms essentially shift our focus without our awareness when we move towards any form of distress. They are non-conscious because they happen without conscious intention.

Your mind can easily come up with all kinds of ways to keep you from writing.  You could be so good at this, you can’t tell what’s happening in the moment until you find yourself knee-deep in decluttering your room or you look at the time and realize you’ve zoned out.  Running on autopilot without even being aware.

So you can’t get from point A (knowing you want to write) to point B (writing from beginning to end). Frustrating. Especially when what you want to write feels important.

Curious compassionate conversation gets you out of your head and into your body. 

When you’re present with someone, you’re also more engaged with your own body.  You might feel flashes of emotions, like a thrill of fear or a zing of excitement.

Talking is a way to find release.

This kind of exploration can be a slow and gentle release of the pressure valve, just enough to get the words flowing again.  Without throwing your body into a protective mode with more than it can handle.

This is why writing buddies, communities, or people you can comfortable share with are so valuable.

Does this sound like something you need? 

I’m offering free assessments for this type of gentle exploratory coaching.  Sometimes just the act of exploring where you are currently is enough to get unstuck. Contact me for more information.

About the Author

I help people reconnect to themselves and tell stories that make their soul sing.

I am a certified coach, writing mentor, writer, and group facilitator who enjoys helping people who’ve felt different to write from the heart.

Since 2008, I’ve worked with writers in every messy step of the creation process. I’m passionate about delving deep into the story underneath the story — the root cause of the struggle with self-expression — so you can feel good about the results.

For more, I invite you to sign up for my mailing list or explore how we can work together.

The top 3 reasons collaborative partnerships fail (coaching) & how to create conditions for success

Unmet Expectations in Partnerships

Sometimes we have unrealistic expectations we’re not consciously aware of. For instance, the desire for the person we work with to solve all our problems. Though our problems have been created over the course of many years, the expectation that working together will immediately fix them still stands.

There are also more subtle expectations. Ones we may or may not be aware of in the beginning.  These expectations show up as disappointments and frustrations which lead to the collapse of the relationship.  We might try, unsuccessfully, to get what we need through indirect means.

Expectations are sneaky because they’re often something we’re not immediately aware of.  And even when we know our expectations, it can be hard to tell whether our expectation is reasonable or not.  Especially in the midst of an emotional reaction when feeling like our needs aren’t getting met.

When we’re in a situation for the first time, we don’t have context for other possibilities.  We may feel confused about whether our desires make sense, or why things look different than what we were envisioning.

Unrealistic expectation: Your coach can read your mind and know what you’re thinking.

Realistic expectation: Your work together serves your needs.

Communication in partnerships

Communicating your needs directly greatly improves the chances your needs will be met. In turn, having your needs met leads to higher satisfaction with the connection.

Failing of communication is another cause of a break in connection. This could look like not naming your truth when things don’t feel right or aren’t working for you. Or not slowing down when the heart of the matter isn’t being addressed.

There are many factors that can make communication challenging.

When you perceive your coach as the authority, it can make it difficult to communicate your needs.  You may feel pressure to go along with whatever they say because they know what’s best better than you.

While it’s true that you’re partnering with someone because they have an experience or expertise you don’t, you also have a right to autonomy.  Autonomy is the power of choice in making decisions.

Some types of services can be more flexible than others. 

Everyone has their own beliefs about how things work.  This brings us to the last reason: misalignment. 

Misalignment in partnerships

Sometimes a collaborative partnership just doesn’t work because there is a misalignment of values and core desires. We don’t agree on how to get from point A to point B. Our ideas of a good time are different. Our priorities don’t match up. Or our personalities jar on each other. Perhaps our expectations just can’t be met.

The right fit is crucial for any connection.

You might not identify the misalignment at first. Especially if you’re invested in a particular outcome and have your eyes on the results instead of what’s currently present relationally.

We might learn of a significant misalignment after a few days of working together or a few weeks. Disappointment and frustration can be prevented by learning of any misalignments early on in the connection.

Setting up for success with feedback channels

Combining self-awareness with communication may not fully prevent unmet expectations and misalignment, but goes a long way toward a better collaborative partnership.

In my work, there are things that are flexible. How do we use one-on-one session time, for one? Sometimes we use the entire session to talk through what’s coming up. Sometimes we go through somatic (body-based) exercises to unlock creativity and the inner voice. Sometimes we do a guided meditation. Sometimes we actively work on writing by breaking down steps to revise or generate new content.

The style of guided meditation is flexible. Some people want more time to hear their deeper selves and less guidance. Some prefer feeling into the body versus visualization, and vice versa. Some might prefer movement, others want to sink into stillness to access their heart. Feedback on the meditation style helps me tailor it for the individual client.

Trauma-informed and whole-person care involves pulling from a variety of tools in order to best support the client in any given moment.

Ways to incorporate feedback

I’ve been interested in incorporating ways of soliciting and providing feedback that feels safe, respectful, and kind to both give and receive.

What I’ve found is sometimes it’s easier to briefly verbally offer feedback at the end of a session.  Especially when writing feels too permanent, like once you write it, it’s always going to be there.  

And sometimes it’s easier to take your time and frame your feedback in words when you’re not feeling activated or nervous about upsetting someone.

I offer a feedback form that allows clients to share their experiences of a session so we can be on the same page.

What are your thoughts on creating conditions for success in collaborative partnerships? I’d love to hear from you — leave a comment and share your opinion.

About the Author

I help people reconnect to themselves and tell stories that make their souls sing.

I am a certified coach, writing mentor, writer, and group facilitator who enjoys helping people who’ve felt different to write from the heart.

Since 2008, I’ve worked with writers in every messy step of the creation process. I’m passionate about delving deep into the story underneath the story — the root cause of the struggle with self-expression — so you can feel good about the results.

For more, I invite you to sign up for my mailing list or explore how we can work together.

There are two alternatives when connecting with an audience.

In writing, we’re told to write to an audience.  To know your audience and create an experience for an audience.  The focus is on writing for others.

It’s daunting to imagine an audience of people who don’t get your values, beliefs, and opinions. 

To imagine a crowd that might criticize you.  One where you’re the only one like you, and you don’t belong.

This is what you might assume when you start writing. 

You then over-explain yourself to an audience you imagine doesn’t get it.

You feel like you have to prove the validity of the points you’re initiating, the connections you’re making. 

This is exhausting, frustrating, and demeaning. 

You question how it’s coming across and change what you have to say to make it more appealing and appropriate.

Here are two alternatives when connecting with an audience:

1. Imagine that you are writing to an audience who does get what you’re wanting to say and want to hear from you. 

Instead of writing to someone to who will immediately attempt to discredit or ridicule you, what if you could write directly to someone who knows and shares your lingo?

There is power and ease in writing to a specific population, releasing the need to try to make everyone happy.  

You might choose to write to someone like you, but a few steps behind.  Since this unnamed person is on a similar path, you have wisdom to share naturally from having had an experience before this person.  You might find tender compassion for this person.  You know the territory well.  There is so much you can impart to make something challenging you’ve experienced easier for the next generation.

2. What if instead of writing for an unseen and unknown crowd, you are writing for your inner child – the past version of you that needs what you’re writing the most?

What if a book you write for yourself is the best gift you can give your audience?

Not a book from your ego-self, the part of you that wants to be seen as “wise” and “talented” and “cool.”  This part seeks external cues to feel okay.  When this part sees approval and validation, it can relax.  

The book of your heart.  A book filled with places that light you up from the inside out.  

This might be a book about a topic you know really well and haven’t met anyone else who enjoys it.  Or enjoys it enough to listen to you monologue an entire essay about it.  

The magic about writing is that it is communication.  You don’t have to communicate with the people who don’t get it, don’t care, aren’t interested.  You get to choose an audience.  You have the option to stay open to, and call in, the audience who wants and needs to hear your voice.  

One example is to start a blog about something you’re passionate about.  Perhaps you’re a pioneer of a new hobby.  Or you’ve got a slightly different spin on something familiar. 

All you need is the intention to connect with others with similar interests.  There are billions of people in the world, and while it may feel this way, you are not alone. 

About the author

I help people reconnect to themselves and tell stories that make their soul sing.

I am a certified coach, writing mentor, writer, and group facilitator who enjoys helping people who’ve felt different to write from the heart.

Since 2008, I’ve worked with writers in every messy step of the creation process. I’m passionate about delving deep into the story underneath the story — the root cause of the struggle with self-expression — so you can feel good about the results.

For more, I invite you to sign up for my mailing list or explore how we can work together.

Why writing prompts can be anxiety-provoking?

Writing prompts are open-ended questions designed to elicit a certain type of response.

Because writing prompts are open-ended, you may wonder whether you’re getting it right.  Are you actually answering the question correctly?

In school, we learn to respond to essay prompts to produce written pieces that will be evaluated based on set criteria.  

Did you fully answer the question?  Did you include evidence to back up your claims?  Does your thought process make sense?  Do your words and ideas flow consistently?

When we don’t get it right, we lose points, get a bad grade, and have to redo our work until it is deemed acceptable.

This experience can create anxiety when answering writing prompts for self-reflection.

Those who are neurodivergent may especially feel like they’re getting it completely wrong, when they come up with a tangent that is perceived as completely different as everyone else.

You may have a hard time understanding or translating the language of a prompt.  What does it really mean?  With the history of past difficult academic experiences of getting it wrong, you may feel an internal pressure to get it right. 

It can also be awkward in a group setting where you can hear others’ responses.  

You might find yourself comparing your answers with theirs.  Measuring yourself up with the information you have about what’s acceptable.  Questioning whether you belong in the group.  Wondering why your responses don’t look like theirs.

Writing prompts for self-reflection and creativity function differently than academic writing prompts.  

These prompts are more intended to serve as a container for self-exploration.  A spark for a flame.  A microphone for your inner wisdom to speak through.

Because of this, each person’s interpretation of a prompt is different.  This is okay.  Good, even.  

What’s important is getting to the core of your truth, whatever that means and looks to you.  

Not getting it “right” in that your answers make logical sense, you can provide evidence, and you answer the prompt entirely without missing any segments.

It’s more about hearing yourself.  Discovering insight.  Integrating your inner being through written language.

Some prompts just may not resonate, or make sense to your brain, and that’s okay.  Of course, there are times when it’s more appropriate than others to disregard a prompt.  

It may not be you – Writing prompts may make assumptions based on culture, history, shared knowledge or experience, etc.  

While the intention of writing prompts is to be open-ended and inclusive, sometimes the language is limiting and falls short.  It’s unfortunately common for writing and language to be ableist or biased in ways that don’t feel good, particularly when you fall outside the “norm.”  In addition, you may have different definitions of words than the prompt’s intention.

In cases like this, I wouldn’t want you to get caught up in trying too hard to understand a writing prompt that isn’t making sense.  

Sometimes prompts aren’t cerebral; they’re more about activating some deeper part of you that is harder to put words to.  

What to do when you feel disconnect with a writing prompt:

• Write about whatever stirs you instead. 
  
  It’s okay to go on a tangent based on what you’re inspired by at the moment.  This can lead you to a new discovery.
  
• Explore whether there’s a trigger in the language of the prompt.
  What sensations are coming up?  What do these sensations tell you?  Maybe the writing prompt is calling you out, or inviting you to explore places you’re not ready to go. 
  
  When I’m coaching someone and they take a series of prompts in a completely different direction than originally discussed, I get curious about what’s come up for them.  Is there something in the prompt that’s uncomfortable to confront?  If so, this is valuable information to explore.
  
• Acknowledge that it may not be the right timing. 
  
  Sometimes it’s okay to not have an answer at all.  Simply holding an intriguing, charged, or meaningful question in your mind is enough to receive answers at a later point.  

The point, ultimately, is to get honest with yourself, without force.

The goal is to hold space where you can hear your inner voice in a way that you may not be able to otherwise.  

Don’t let the anxiety of getting it wrong stop you from listening to your heart.

About the author

I help people reconnect to themselves and tell stories that make their soul sing.

I am a certified coach, writing mentor, writer, and group facilitator who enjoys helping people who’ve felt different to write from the heart.

Since 2008, I’ve worked with writers in every messy step of the creation process. I’m passionate about delving deep into the story underneath the story — the root cause of the struggle with self-expression — so you can feel good about the results.

For more, I invite you to sign up for my mailing list or explore how we can work together.

The masks we wear: 5 ways writing can take us beneath our masks to our truer self

1. Self-exploration

When you have the tendency to be a people-pleaser, you shift your personality to match others in the room.  

Performing this chameleon act on a regular basis gets you out of touch with yourself.  It may take some work to know your own personal opinions, much less express them.

How do you truly feel about xyz?  What do you really think?

2. Affirming your truth

When you lack confidence, you may look to others to give you the answers.  You may create masks to make yourself look more confident than you really feel. Yet under this mask is a simmering fear of your doubts and uncertainties being seen.

Affirming your truth means to recognize and accept your own beliefs and experiences as valid. It’s a form of self-validation that builds healthy self-confidence and resilience. You don’t need to puff yourself up or overextend yourself trying to be heard.

Instead, you start with recognizing that your feelings are valid.

Articulating your beliefs in written words gives your truth a solid feeling.  It’s no longer just in your head.  This lets you have dignity and strength in your choices and decisions.

3. Writing about what truly matters to you

When you are used to defining yourself by other people, you may find yourself straying into their causes.  Parroting their beliefs, because it’s easier and less scary than standing for your own.

Your mask hides who you really are.

Writing a mission statement, identifying a purpose, telling your story about what you’ve learned and how you’ve surmounted obstacles… these are all ways to feed and fulfill yourself.  The more you tap into a mission and a purpose, the more satisfying life becomes.

4. Expressing your vulnerabilities

When you are uncomfortable with the idea of being imperfect, you likely try to appear flawless. You put on a mask of perfection, a hard plastic veneer that covers up your pores.

None of us is perfect.  When we can embrace ourselves, flaws and all, we feel more whole.  The masks we wear may make us seem invulnerable.  Writing can help us gently express the softer, porous parts of ourselves.

What are you scared of? What secrets do you hide? Where do you fall short? Where have you been hurt, and how do you heal?

Journaling, particularly in a safe and private document for your eyes only, can help gently see the wholeness, fullness, richness, of the full spectrum of human experience—vulnerabilities included.  

5. Discovering your gifts

When you fear judgement, you might be afraid to do the quirky things that bring you joy from within. You mask yourself with a generic persona based on the “good” qualities that helped you fit in.

These masks to help us fit in might be based on someone we admire, our a socially accepted archetype.

Our true gifts lie in our uniqueness.  You may have a particular style of writing that is uncommon, like a poetic and empathic way of expressing yourself.  You may have a particular talent that others (or you yourself) don’t recognize, like blending the perfect combination of scents to make delicious-smelling perfumes.

You may have a gift for acknowledging the truth and stirring awakenings, something that your masked-self suppressed because you don’t want to make others uncomfortable.  

Using your inherent gifts, following the joy that rises from deep within, is a path to bliss and fulfillment.

Unmasking is a quiet, dignified, and compassionate act, rooted in the essence of your more expansive self.

The process of unmasking for satisfaction and purpose looks like living from a place of knowing and accepting yourself, affirming your truth with dignity and compassion, and doing what brings you meaning and joy.

What’s the medicine you need?  I invite you to choose one of these methods to explore your truer self beneath your masks.

About the author

I help people reconnect to themselves and tell stories that make their soul sing.

I am a certified coach, writing mentor, writer, and group facilitator who enjoys helping people who’ve felt different to write from the heart.

Since 2008, I’ve worked with writers in every messy step of the creation process. I’m passionate about delving deep into the story underneath the story — the root cause of the struggle with self-expression — so you can feel good about the results.

For more, I invite you to sign up for my mailing list or explore how we can work together.

Celebrating Spring Equinox: Reflecting on Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder

The flowers are beginning to bloom. The grass is lush after the rains. The sun is shining. Birds chirping. There’s more time to do the things you love. Everyone seems happy and relieved winter is over. They seem ready to get on with their lives, and get out into the world.

So why feel so bad?

Feeling a lower mood during springtime might be caused by reverse seasonal affective disorder (SAD).

SAD is a dip in mood brought on by a change in season.

Transitions in general are tough.

For introverted, reflective, socially anxious, or chronically fatigued people who thrive on adequate alone time, spring carries a burden—the expectation to do more socially and productively.

I have historically struggled with reverse seasonal affective disorder (SAD). SAD is common in winter. It’s also known as the winter blues. I’ve found that I tend to experience “reverse SAD,” when allergies, circadian rhythm confusions, and days of longer light trigger changes in mood.

The days feel too long, inflammation caused by allergies is physically uncomfortable, and social pressure to feel good and go out more is threatening.

What I’ve found is that understanding reverse SAD and the common causes gives me perspective. I am more accepting of my moods.

Through awareness of the tendency to feel lower during the transition into spring, I intentionally take actions to manage them. Like by having allergy support available, exercising to raise my spirits, and letting myself rest and cocoon when needed.

I’ve noticed that having a ritual during equinoxes and solstices allows me to consciously slow down and call balance into my life.

I consciously tune into the natural energy instead of forcing myself through it.

What better time to do so than the equinox, a day of balanced light and dark?

I started following equinox and solstice rituals with journaling practices several years ago.

Instead of feeling at mercy of the shifting of seasons, it feels good to consciously acknowledge and celebrate the cyclical nature of life.

I find myself feeling grounded and more present.

These rituals and journaling prompts let me honor the past. I take a moment to look back at all that happened in the last season as well as the lessons I’ve learned.

Reflecting back is the fun part for me—I am quite an introspective person. Seeing how far I’ve come (often further than I initially believed) gives meaning. I get to reclaim my choices and personal power in what I want to do with the time ahead.

I think collectively we’re often conditioned to be onto the next thing.

In constant motion, striving towards our big dreams. Sometimes we need a moment of pause to reset so we can balance all parts of ourselves. From there, we move forward with renewed purpose and more ease and clarity.

We are constantly evolving and shifting, and it’s good to check in with whether our old goals and ways of being are still relevant.

Part of the process is releasing anything that is no longer serving us. Going from short days to longer days really does call forth changes from the inside out. How best can we use this time? How best can we care for ourselves through the inevitable transitions of life?

Reverse SAD is part of why the Spring Equinox journaling events I hold are so meaningful for me.

My version of celebrating new beginnings and fresh starts takes into account the past and present as well as dreams for the future.

Sometimes it takes a bit of support to relieve any feelings of ill-preparedness or overwhelm the shift in seasons can bring in.

I see a lot of writings and teachings on manifestation that are super positive. You’re supposed to feel good and happy all the time in order to have the life you want. Unfortunately, I think this tends to bring up pressure and make those who are going through difficult times or already feeling their bodies inflamed by seasonal changes feel worse, like something is wrong with them.

I prefer connective practices / rituals that develop a magical connection to something beyond the mundane, while also being rooted in the current state of the body.

Giving space to blossom and plant seeds for the future, while also feeling into what’s present here and now.

Let’s gather and attune with our bodies as well as the cosmic energy.

We’re all going through our own personal transitions as well as collective ones.

Whatever you’re feeling in relation to the initiation of spring, you’re not alone.

Whether you feel the beginnings of reverse SAD, crave reflection and pause, want to get clear on your goals and intentions for the future months, or simply wish to reconnect with yourself from a place of deeper self-love and self-acceptance, I invite you to my event on Thursday, March 23. We’ll celebrate and create our new beginnings together.

About the author

I help people reconnect to themselves and tell stories that make their soul sing.

I am a certified coach, writing mentor, writer, and group facilitator who enjoys helping people who’ve felt different to write from the heart.

Since 2008, I’ve worked with writers in every messy step of the creation process. I’m passionate about delving deep into the story underneath the story — the root cause of the struggle with self-expression — so you can feel good about the results.

For more, I invite you to sign up for my mailing list or explore how we can work together.