Why writing prompts can be anxiety-provoking?

Writing prompts are open-ended questions designed to elicit a certain type of response.

Because writing prompts are open-ended, you may wonder whether you’re getting it right.  Are you actually answering the question correctly?

In school, we learn to respond to essay prompts to produce written pieces that will be evaluated based on set criteria.  

Did you fully answer the question?  Did you include evidence to back up your claims?  Does your thought process make sense?  Do your words and ideas flow consistently?

When we don’t get it right, we lose points, get a bad grade, and have to redo our work until it is deemed acceptable.

This experience can create anxiety when answering writing prompts for self-reflection.

Those who are neurodivergent may especially feel like they’re getting it completely wrong, when they come up with a tangent that is perceived as completely different as everyone else.

You may have a hard time understanding or translating the language of a prompt.  What does it really mean?  With the history of past difficult academic experiences of getting it wrong, you may feel an internal pressure to get it right. 

It can also be awkward in a group setting where you can hear others’ responses.  

You might find yourself comparing your answers with theirs.  Measuring yourself up with the information you have about what’s acceptable.  Questioning whether you belong in the group.  Wondering why your responses don’t look like theirs.

Writing prompts for self-reflection and creativity function differently than academic writing prompts.  

These prompts are more intended to serve as a container for self-exploration.  A spark for a flame.  A microphone for your inner wisdom to speak through.

Because of this, each person’s interpretation of a prompt is different.  This is okay.  Good, even.  

What’s important is getting to the core of your truth, whatever that means and looks to you.  

Not getting it “right” in that your answers make logical sense, you can provide evidence, and you answer the prompt entirely without missing any segments.

It’s more about hearing yourself.  Discovering insight.  Integrating your inner being through written language.

Some prompts just may not resonate, or make sense to your brain, and that’s okay.  Of course, there are times when it’s more appropriate than others to disregard a prompt.  

It may not be you – Writing prompts may make assumptions based on culture, history, shared knowledge or experience, etc.  

While the intention of writing prompts is to be open-ended and inclusive, sometimes the language is limiting and falls short.  It’s unfortunately common for writing and language to be ableist or biased in ways that don’t feel good, particularly when you fall outside the “norm.”  In addition, you may have different definitions of words than the prompt’s intention.

In cases like this, I wouldn’t want you to get caught up in trying too hard to understand a writing prompt that isn’t making sense.  

Sometimes prompts aren’t cerebral; they’re more about activating some deeper part of you that is harder to put words to.  

What to do when you feel disconnect with a writing prompt:

• Write about whatever stirs you instead. 
  
  It’s okay to go on a tangent based on what you’re inspired by at the moment.  This can lead you to a new discovery.
  
• Explore whether there’s a trigger in the language of the prompt.
  What sensations are coming up?  What do these sensations tell you?  Maybe the writing prompt is calling you out, or inviting you to explore places you’re not ready to go. 
  
  When I’m coaching someone and they take a series of prompts in a completely different direction than originally discussed, I get curious about what’s come up for them.  Is there something in the prompt that’s uncomfortable to confront?  If so, this is valuable information to explore.
  
• Acknowledge that it may not be the right timing. 
  
  Sometimes it’s okay to not have an answer at all.  Simply holding an intriguing, charged, or meaningful question in your mind is enough to receive answers at a later point.  

The point, ultimately, is to get honest with yourself, without force.

The goal is to hold space where you can hear your inner voice in a way that you may not be able to otherwise.  

Don’t let the anxiety of getting it wrong stop you from listening to your heart.

About the author

I help people reconnect to themselves and tell stories that make their soul sing.

I am a certified coach, writing mentor, writer, and group facilitator who enjoys helping people who’ve felt different to write from the heart.

Since 2008, I’ve worked with writers in every messy step of the creation process. I’m passionate about delving deep into the story underneath the story — the root cause of the struggle with self-expression — so you can feel good about the results.

For more, I invite you to sign up for my mailing list or explore how we can work together.

The masks we wear: 5 ways writing can take us beneath our masks to our truer self

1. Self-exploration

When you have the tendency to be a people-pleaser, you shift your personality to match others in the room.  

Performing this chameleon act on a regular basis gets you out of touch with yourself.  It may take some work to know your own personal opinions, much less express them.

How do you truly feel about xyz?  What do you really think?

2. Affirming your truth

When you lack confidence, you may look to others to give you the answers.  You may create masks to make yourself look more confident than you really feel. Yet under this mask is a simmering fear of your doubts and uncertainties being seen.

Affirming your truth means to recognize and accept your own beliefs and experiences as valid. It’s a form of self-validation that builds healthy self-confidence and resilience. You don’t need to puff yourself up or overextend yourself trying to be heard.

Instead, you start with recognizing that your feelings are valid.

Articulating your beliefs in written words gives your truth a solid feeling.  It’s no longer just in your head.  This lets you have dignity and strength in your choices and decisions.

3. Writing about what truly matters to you

When you are used to defining yourself by other people, you may find yourself straying into their causes.  Parroting their beliefs, because it’s easier and less scary than standing for your own.

Your mask hides who you really are.

Writing a mission statement, identifying a purpose, telling your story about what you’ve learned and how you’ve surmounted obstacles… these are all ways to feed and fulfill yourself.  The more you tap into a mission and a purpose, the more satisfying life becomes.

4. Expressing your vulnerabilities

When you are uncomfortable with the idea of being imperfect, you likely try to appear flawless. You put on a mask of perfection, a hard plastic veneer that covers up your pores.

None of us is perfect.  When we can embrace ourselves, flaws and all, we feel more whole.  The masks we wear may make us seem invulnerable.  Writing can help us gently express the softer, porous parts of ourselves.

What are you scared of? What secrets do you hide? Where do you fall short? Where have you been hurt, and how do you heal?

Journaling, particularly in a safe and private document for your eyes only, can help gently see the wholeness, fullness, richness, of the full spectrum of human experience—vulnerabilities included.  

5. Discovering your gifts

When you fear judgement, you might be afraid to do the quirky things that bring you joy from within. You mask yourself with a generic persona based on the “good” qualities that helped you fit in.

These masks to help us fit in might be based on someone we admire, our a socially accepted archetype.

Our true gifts lie in our uniqueness.  You may have a particular style of writing that is uncommon, like a poetic and empathic way of expressing yourself.  You may have a particular talent that others (or you yourself) don’t recognize, like blending the perfect combination of scents to make delicious-smelling perfumes.

You may have a gift for acknowledging the truth and stirring awakenings, something that your masked-self suppressed because you don’t want to make others uncomfortable.  

Using your inherent gifts, following the joy that rises from deep within, is a path to bliss and fulfillment.

Unmasking is a quiet, dignified, and compassionate act, rooted in the essence of your more expansive self.

The process of unmasking for satisfaction and purpose looks like living from a place of knowing and accepting yourself, affirming your truth with dignity and compassion, and doing what brings you meaning and joy.

What’s the medicine you need?  I invite you to choose one of these methods to explore your truer self beneath your masks.

About the author

I help people reconnect to themselves and tell stories that make their soul sing.

I am a certified coach, writing mentor, writer, and group facilitator who enjoys helping people who’ve felt different to write from the heart.

Since 2008, I’ve worked with writers in every messy step of the creation process. I’m passionate about delving deep into the story underneath the story — the root cause of the struggle with self-expression — so you can feel good about the results.

For more, I invite you to sign up for my mailing list or explore how we can work together.

Celebrating Spring Equinox: Reflecting on Reverse Seasonal Affective Disorder

The flowers are beginning to bloom. The grass is lush after the rains. The sun is shining. Birds chirping. There’s more time to do the things you love. Everyone seems happy and relieved winter is over. They seem ready to get on with their lives, and get out into the world.

So why feel so bad?

Feeling a lower mood during springtime might be caused by reverse seasonal affective disorder (SAD).

SAD is a dip in mood brought on by a change in season.

Transitions in general are tough.

For introverted, reflective, socially anxious, or chronically fatigued people who thrive on adequate alone time, spring carries a burden—the expectation to do more socially and productively.

I have historically struggled with reverse seasonal affective disorder (SAD). SAD is common in winter. It’s also known as the winter blues. I’ve found that I tend to experience “reverse SAD,” when allergies, circadian rhythm confusions, and days of longer light trigger changes in mood.

The days feel too long, inflammation caused by allergies is physically uncomfortable, and social pressure to feel good and go out more is threatening.

What I’ve found is that understanding reverse SAD and the common causes gives me perspective. I am more accepting of my moods.

Through awareness of the tendency to feel lower during the transition into spring, I intentionally take actions to manage them. Like by having allergy support available, exercising to raise my spirits, and letting myself rest and cocoon when needed.

I’ve noticed that having a ritual during equinoxes and solstices allows me to consciously slow down and call balance into my life.

I consciously tune into the natural energy instead of forcing myself through it.

What better time to do so than the equinox, a day of balanced light and dark?

I started following equinox and solstice rituals with journaling practices several years ago.

Instead of feeling at mercy of the shifting of seasons, it feels good to consciously acknowledge and celebrate the cyclical nature of life.

I find myself feeling grounded and more present.

These rituals and journaling prompts let me honor the past. I take a moment to look back at all that happened in the last season as well as the lessons I’ve learned.

Reflecting back is the fun part for me—I am quite an introspective person. Seeing how far I’ve come (often further than I initially believed) gives meaning. I get to reclaim my choices and personal power in what I want to do with the time ahead.

I think collectively we’re often conditioned to be onto the next thing.

In constant motion, striving towards our big dreams. Sometimes we need a moment of pause to reset so we can balance all parts of ourselves. From there, we move forward with renewed purpose and more ease and clarity.

We are constantly evolving and shifting, and it’s good to check in with whether our old goals and ways of being are still relevant.

Part of the process is releasing anything that is no longer serving us. Going from short days to longer days really does call forth changes from the inside out. How best can we use this time? How best can we care for ourselves through the inevitable transitions of life?

Reverse SAD is part of why the Spring Equinox journaling events I hold are so meaningful for me.

My version of celebrating new beginnings and fresh starts takes into account the past and present as well as dreams for the future.

Sometimes it takes a bit of support to relieve any feelings of ill-preparedness or overwhelm the shift in seasons can bring in.

I see a lot of writings and teachings on manifestation that are super positive. You’re supposed to feel good and happy all the time in order to have the life you want. Unfortunately, I think this tends to bring up pressure and make those who are going through difficult times or already feeling their bodies inflamed by seasonal changes feel worse, like something is wrong with them.

I prefer connective practices / rituals that develop a magical connection to something beyond the mundane, while also being rooted in the current state of the body.

Giving space to blossom and plant seeds for the future, while also feeling into what’s present here and now.

Let’s gather and attune with our bodies as well as the cosmic energy.

We’re all going through our own personal transitions as well as collective ones.

Whatever you’re feeling in relation to the initiation of spring, you’re not alone.

Whether you feel the beginnings of reverse SAD, crave reflection and pause, want to get clear on your goals and intentions for the future months, or simply wish to reconnect with yourself from a place of deeper self-love and self-acceptance, I invite you to my event on Thursday, March 23. We’ll celebrate and create our new beginnings together.

About the author

I help people reconnect to themselves and tell stories that make their soul sing.

I am a certified coach, writing mentor, writer, and group facilitator who enjoys helping people who’ve felt different to write from the heart.

Since 2008, I’ve worked with writers in every messy step of the creation process. I’m passionate about delving deep into the story underneath the story — the root cause of the struggle with self-expression — so you can feel good about the results.

For more, I invite you to sign up for my mailing list or explore how we can work together.

New event announcement

Spring Equinox & New Moon Journaling Event: Dream your New Beginnings

It’s officially spring! This week is packed with new beginnings: spring equinox, aries new moon, lunar new year.

Astrologically, this week is powerful for manifestation.

By identifying your desires (and affirming them in writing), there is a much greater chance of them coming true in your life.

But maybe you’re still feeling a bit stagnated or mentally chaotic from what’s felt like a long winter.

Before jumping into new dreams, it’s helpful to recenter and honor the past.

Transitioning consciously into the new season means integrating what you learned from the previous season, taking into account your current state, and dreaming of new desires for the future.

This is a great week to gently ease yourself into a more active season of longer days.

Through this process, you become grounded with a renewed sense of purpose and personal power to create your ideal life.

We are all powerful creators with the ability to create the conditions in our life.

~

Join us for a Spring Equinox / New Moon Journaling event.

Let’s do some collective dreaming to plant seeds of what we want most in our lives as well as the world we share.

You may find yourself looking back at what you write today several months from now and celebrating how what you’ve written has showed up in your world!

Please have a journal and pen handy.

Optional: Find an object or inspiring image to keep nearby as you write for inspiration.

Details

Thursday, March 23, 2023
5:00 – 7:00 PM Pacific Time
$20

Register through Eventbrite or Meetup

When speaking with my friend and colleague Amber Beckett @TheHelloCode about facilitation, Amber shared with me two mistakes facilitators who have the basics down often make in facilitation. 

What she shared hit home.  As soon as I learned that I’d made one of the mistakes before, I understood the ramifications from both sides, as both facilitator and participant.  

I’ve given intentional design in facilitation a lot of thought as a facilitator, and also as someone who’s attended a lot of (usually personal development-oriented) events.  

Many events don’t feel safe for sensitives and non-extroverts

I’m picky about the types of events I attend.  Many are designed for extroverts.  More than that, many event experiences don’t feel safe, especially for those who are highly sensitive, socially anxious, neurodivergent, become nonverbal under pressure, or simply need more quiet processing time.  So it’s very important to me to create spaces that do feel safe for these sorts of people.  

I believe intentional design is important, and can be difficult to do. 

Even attempts to allow for choice can easily become uncomfortable unspoken expectations.  Part of that is knowing as a facilitator how things land for your audience.  It’s similar to writing where it’s hard for the writer to fully understand the reader’s experience because you’re so close to the words!  

Careful thought creates magic

It’s one thing to toss a word like “safe” around, and another to actually put the time and effort into making conscious choices around facilitation that go beyond what you might have been taught or experienced.  Structuring an event can seem pretty basic and straightforward, but careful thought creates magic.  Which makes it feel even better to all involved.  

It’s okay to make mistakes, and more important to learn from them.

Two facilitation don’t-do’s I learned from Amber

1. Don’t wait for people to arrive.  
   
   It’s disrespectful for people who are there on time.  This also perpetuates lateness by making it okay for people to be late.

2. Don’t layer in lots of engagement for engagement’s sake.  
   
   Like asking participants to put a number 1-5 in the chat in response to a question you don’t care about the answer to.  Engagement should affect the outcome of meeting.

Amber’s work is around conversation as a form of activism and helping to democratize conversation.  I’m looking forward to learning what to do instead of making these mistakes.

She’s offering a 3 day workshop development series at the end of this year.  Learn about it here.

Once you put it in words, it’s permanent… right?

This is a big stalling-point for many people who are writing. 

They’re afraid that once they write something, they can’t change their mind.  They need to choose one opinion and stick to it.  They can’t take it back.  If their work isn’t perfect, it will be a painful disappointment forever.

Yikes, big stakes.

The way I see it, you don’t have to be absolute to complete your draft or piece of writing.

Especially for emotional, heart-centered people who find that too much rigid and defined structure hinders their creativity.  Or those who feel like they perpetually change their minds.

Completion is how you define it.  When you’re crafting your own written piece, you have the freedom and flexibility to decide what form your piece takes.

Other ways to think about absoluteness in writing…

• This is but one piece of writing.  You don’t have to make it bear a greater burden than it can serve.  There’s always another story.
• We are all constantly learning and evolving, changing and growing.  It is a natural process to see things in new lenses with the more experiences you have.  You’re allowed to change your mind.
• You don’t need to have it all figured out!  You’re human.
• Sometimes the words just can’t capture all the nuances.  And that’s okay.
• Trust that the heart will come through. And the reader can read between the lines when necessary.  Absoluteness often arises from over-intellectualizing.

What are you afraid of?

I invite you to acknowledge it for yourself.  This way, the fear or resistance won’t stay in your subconscious and lead to frustration.

Is it around perfectionism?
Not wanting to be seen as indecisive?
Needing to capture all the nuances?
Not wanting to be judged?

Sometimes naming the fear is enough so that it isn’t taking over.  You can find a way through it if you know what it is.

Ways to soften writing that feels too absolute

1. Use metaphors.  Metaphors speak to our creative brains, and this can evoke many connections when it feels like the words are too black and white.
2. Take the reader on a journey instead of telling just the solution.  Describe the story.  
3. Add a disclaimer or caution.  For instance, that this is written in 2022 and reflects your views at this time, and these views may change in the future.  
4. Write to an audience.  Sometimes you’re trying to make your writing serve multiple purposes, so getting to one core thread is too hard; it’s too hard to tie all your ideas together.  Picking an audience to write to means you might say one thing to them that you may say differently to another audience.  
5. Name valid hesitations or concerns directly in the writing. Especially if these are coming from your intuition saying something is off here.

Alternate solutions when you’re afraid of being too absolute in your writing

Consider making a blog or a website to hold your writing.  These are creative forms that aren’t expected to be “perfect” and can be changed at anytime, unlike a traditional, physical book. 

This may satisfy your creative calling.  Or at the very least be a step to get comfortable with the evolution of your ideas before putting it into the form of a book.  Sometimes you just need a few iterations for it to feel good.  Not every piece of writing has to be a book, or has to be published professionally to serve its purpose.